ESCONDIDO, Calif. — The Dakin family in Escondido says its growing family has faced unimaginable loss but they are finding hope and inspiration for this holiday.
“I mean, there was a period of time where I got really confused with how to answer the question, how many kids do I have?” said Aly Dakin, mother.
Aly and JR Dakin had nine children at home when she became pregnant once more. They were expecting to have twelve children after she gave birth. Through fertility treatments, adopted embryos and adoption, the Dakins have been able to grow their family. They have two sets of twins, but these were their first triplets.
“We really love having a lot of kids,” said Aly.
But at 13 weeks, Aly learned that one of the twin girls they named Elsie would be born with a brain defect called anencephaly and she wouldn't live after delivery.
“I thought, okay, we're going to name this baby, we're going to give her an opportunity to grow with her siblings,’ said Aly.
Then at 16 weeks, Elsie's twin sister named Olive was falling behind in her growth.
“We were definitely planning to bring two babies home, we just didn't know what her health issues would look like,” said Aly.
With nine children at home, and dad running a business, Aly was on bed rest.
“I was having to decide are we going to bury or cremate Elsie, planning a funeral while carrying two babies, it was a lot,” said Aly.
Other doctors had given her unsolicited advice, but she found hope and strength from her high-risk pregnancy doctor, said medical director of Scripps Perinatology Dr. Sean Daneshmand.
“I'm inspired by Aly and it helps me move forward and help other patients hopefully move forward,” said Daneshmand.
But at 27 weeks, Aly was rushed to the hospital and had to give birth. Leo made it, but neither Elsie nor Olive survived.
“It was so much to process grieving to want to see him [Leo] fight for life,” said Aly.
Leo was born November 13 and eight weeks — including Christmas — in the NICU at Scripps La Jolla, which operates in partnership between Scripps and Rady Children’s. Aly wanted to honor all three children on their birthdays by giving back and donating books to the NICU and bereavement blankets with a special message.
“’This is donated to you by another family who had to say goodbye far too early to our babies,’” wrote the Dakins.
The Dakin family is still processing the grief they carry. But this holiday season, they’re able to celebrate Leo’s first Christmas at home and honor his twin sisters.
“I'm learning to see the good things, but not let the good things suppress the bad things and giving space for both of them,” said Aly. “I'm learning to be okay with the waves of grief. Like they're not bad. They just mean there's love, there's so much love.”
Aly says after learning about Elsie’s complications she leaned on Elizabeth Hospice for help.
If you or someone you know is suffering from postpartum depression or need postpartum support click here or call 800-727-4777.
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