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Military at Pride Parade | How far have we come since ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell?’

This year’s Pride parade will feature a contingent of active-duty, veteran military members, and the MCRD Marine Corps band.

SAN DIEGO — This year’s Pride parade will feature a contingent of active-duty and veteran military members, and for the first time ever, the MCRD Marine Corps band will be marching too.   

CBS 8’s Brian White spoke with some veterans who are involved with Pride, about how the military’s relationship with the LGBTQ+ community has evolved over the years. 

“When we march in our group, the crowd is always very excited,” said Sgt. Clay Kilpatrick. “The feeling is just amazing. The reception you get, and the energy is just intense.” 

Sgt. Kilpatrick is Chair of the San Diego Pride Military Department, and his involvement with Pride is nothing he would’ve ever imagined while he was serving as a marine back in the late 80’s. 

“If you had told me in a couple of decades, you’ll be standing up and representing and supporting our active-duty and veteran community in a Pride event, I probably wouldn’t have believed you,” said Sgt. Kilpatrick. 

When he served in the Marine Corps, he was stationed in San Diego, and it was before ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.’ 

“I was extremely closeted because if I had been caught engaging in homosexual acts or even accused of being a homosexual, I would’ve been put in the brig.  I would’ve been discharged dishonorably,” said Sgt. Kilpatrick. “I would’ve lost my education benefits, my VA benefits including home purchase.  I would’ve lost everything.  I would’ve lost my entire career.” 

And he wasn’t alone. It was a common fear back then. 

“Being in the military at that time, you were afraid if you got caught, you’d be fired,” said Sgt. Bob Lehman, who joined the Marine Corps in 1983 and served for 10 years. “The biggest part for me was the loneliness because you could not really connect with your fellow marines.  And you know, marines are taught not to lie, but yet you’re living a lie every day and it was a really tough time.” 

After fighting in Desert Storm, he returned to the United States and became a marine recruiter, and he had to ask new recruits an awkward question. 

“I actually had to ask the question, ‘Have you ever engaged in homosexual activity?’ So, as a gay man to have to ask that, and I was hidden myself, so that was a pretty tough thing,” said Sgt. Lehman. 

Both Sgt. Kilpatrick and Sgt. Lehman left the military before ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ became policy in 1993, but they remember what it was like then. 

“People could live their lives as long as they didn’t talk about it, but the reality is people don’t live isolated lives,” said Sgt. Kilpatrick. “To say, ‘Well, you can’t put a picture of your husband on the desk, but someone else, he can have a picture of his wife, or she can have a picture of her husband and that’s ok.’” 

When ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ was repealed in 2011, it brought monumental, positive change. 

“What that did was allow people to live their true, authentic lives,” said Sgt. Kilpatrick. “For example, I have friends who are in the service now who are legally married, and they’re entitled to base housing, and they’re entitled to put their spouses on their insurance policies.” 

It also meant service members could wear uniforms in the parade. 

“It was pretty miraculous,” said Sgt. Lehman. “It brought tears to your eyes to be able to march with active-duty people in the parade and see all those young, proud people.” 

Both men believe the military’s relationship with the LGBTQ+ community has been heading in the right direction over the decades, but they know there is always more to be done. 

“People can serve openly, but there can still be discrimination, so you know, you still have to be vigilant,” said Sgt. Lehman. 

And part of being vigilant is just being visible. 

“By being able to be seen and visible, it’s harder to discriminate,” said Sgt. Kilpatrick. “When people know somebody who is LGBT, it’s harder to say, ‘Well, their rights are lesser than mine.’” 

All members of the United States Armed Forces, members of allied forces, and family members are welcome to join the Pride Parade Military Contingent. 

For more information visit: sdpride.org/military. 

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